In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Yvonne Tally, and I empower you to release yourself from the stress of overscheduling. It’s so important that we allow ourselves to relax. Yvonne shared her personal story of going to the emergency room with what she thought was a heart attack but was actually a panic attack. Since, she’s a healthy lifestyle coach, this was a bit of a surprise. It caused her to take a good look at herself and begin to add mindfulness practices and meditation to her own life and then to help others do the same. Yvonne emphasized the importance of self-compassion, allowing ourselves to be imperfect and not judging ourselves and others. Change does take time, but once we become aware, we cannot undo that awareness. So step by step, we begin the process. I received the following email from Angie in Dallas, TX after last week’s show. “Yvonne Tally’s topic of “Breaking Up With Busy” really resonated with me. For years, I have been aware that I have been putting too much of my self-worth, happiness and energy into my career. My last corporate job as a Regional Sales Manager opened my eyes as to how I was allowing expectations from others to drive me into an unhealthy lifestyle. I was dealing with an extremely high level of stress, mostly self-imposed, which began manifesting in physical problems. After that job ended and I had time to recover, I realized that I had been using this job and traveling for work as a way to avoid the problems in my marriage. I simply did not want to deal with it. Work was a great excuse for me to get away from it all. Here I am, two years later — self-employed and no longer married. Yvonne’s story reinforced for me that it’s okay not to buy into our society’s standards and that it’s perfectly okay for me to practice self-care, experience joy and remember that this new lifestyle is a work in progress. Yvonne’s book will help give me the tools I need to be okay with this and enjoy my new life. Thank you Dr. Paula for hosting Yvonne on your show. I really found her to be insightful. I am excited to read her book and learn more.” To listen to this show, I encourage you to click here.
Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week
And now for your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-Empowerment. My Tip for this week is in honor of our topic today: Strengthen Your Boundaries: Learning to say “NO” to what you do not want in your life is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. Avoid acting when you hear the words “I should” and “I must”. Act when you hear the words “I want to.” Many of us, especially women, were taught to put ourselves last. The words didn’t have to be spoken. It was obvious by the way our mothers behaved, the messages in advertising, television programs and movies, and of course, school. Females were educated to say “yes” to all requests. Our value was based on what we did for others. If any time was left over, we might take a bath, read for a few minutes or watch a television program. Most days, by the time we had those few minutes, we were too tired to enjoy them. Learning to say No to the non-essential requests and demands of others is the beginning of self-empowerment, self-respect and self-love. I began to change when I realized that if the well was dry, I had no water to give. I had to nourish and nurture myself if I was going to have anything to give to others.
Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story
The late Brother Chi-Sing, founder of the Dallas Meditation Center, invited me to do my workshops at the DMC a few years ago. The arrangement was great but was short-lived. He unexpectedly lost his space and temporarily moved into CSLDallas, A Center for Spiritual Living. I followed him there and discovered I already knew several of the congregants and had even been invited to do a workshop there previously. I became friendly with some of the staff, which led to Rev. Karen asking me to have James van Praggh on my show before his week-end event there in 2016. I enjoyed Rev. Karen so much that I invited her to come on the show to talk about mastering your thoughts. Both of those episodes are among my most popular. CSLDallas also asked me to have Marianne Williamson on before her appearance in Dallas as part of her Love America Tour. Marianne and I had a wonderful discussion about spirituality and politics. I was so grateful to share her substantial wisdom with you. All of these opportunities, relationships and experiences came about because of a lost lease. I’m grateful the Dallas Meditation Center is now in its own space, and I’m grateful for all the silver linings their temporary move brought into my life.
Marian Stephens’ Story
This week’s Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit featured Yvonne Tally, and it was exceptionally relevant and informative. Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is to strengthen your boundaries by learning to say no. Out of all the words in the English language, “NO” is quite possibly the hardest one for me to say out loud. I am so afraid of disappointing or upsetting others that it clenches up my vocal cords, makes it hard to breathe, and forces the word “YES” out of my mouth. Then the anxiety and panic set in because I have overcommitted or overextended myself so much that I can’t possibly deliver what I have promised. I end up feeling guilty if I disappoint someone, or say no, and judge myself harshly. Yvonne Tally says that judgement is a heavy burden to carry, and that is the truth. I want to use my thoughts to build up myself and others.
Yvonne suggests discovering your potential, developing your own power, and deploying your passion to create your ideal life. The work I have been doing with Dr. Paula has given me a jumpstart on these, and it is time to start visualizing my ideal life. One way to do this is to reflect on the things I have already accomplished in life and draw from those experiences. At the team meeting we recently had for my son, we went around and said what we thought each person’s greatest strength is. My mom said that I never give up, especially with my kids, and my Dad said I am one tough cookie because not many people can handle the life challenges that I have. I think being tenacious and tough are pretty good attributes to possess, and now I want to figure out how to use them to truly discover the reality I want. Yvonne says to meditate on this three minutes a day, and I have started. I also create an intention for my day every morning, and this keeps me on track.
I feel very pressed for time most days, and I know most people feel the same. One can feel it in the air at the grocery store – every person is stressed and rushed. The emotional and spiritual space to work on health and wellness becomes scarce, which is a commonality between most people. I do believe we are all connected, and if everyone begins to collectively break up with busy, the work load will be lighter. We don’t have to do it all alone.
Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response
Someone once said to me: “Your To Do list always grows–no matter how much you accomplish.” In fact, the more you accomplish, the longer the list seems to get! We live in a world obsessed with getting things done. Marian, I suggest that you let go of what you think you have to do and make a list of what you really have to do. Here’s the rest of the strategy:
- With each item on the list, give it a priority number, with number 1 being the things that are essential to do today.
- Group everything under 1, 2 or 3 and prioritize within each number. That way, you can see clearly what is essential.
- Decide which items you can delegate to someone else in the household or elsewhere. Put their name next to the item in another color, like green.
- Go back through the list and see which items someone can do with you and write their name next to the item in a different color, like blue.
- Put a chore list up on the refrigerator so that each child clearly knows what they are supposed to do and on which day.
- Now go through the list and figure out how to make as many tasks fun as you can, for instance, play fun music while doing chores; play I spy with your child while in the grocery store.
- As items are accomplished, cross them off to give you a sense of accomplishment.
- Reward yourself with positive thoughts. Thank yourself and thank your family and friends for their help. Gratitude makes everything more fun.
- Be sure to include on your “to do” list, time to relax, be creative and have fun! And make them a high priority!
Writing things down will help you manage tasks. Prioritizing will help you determine what really must get done. Drawing on others for help will take the weight off your shoulders and show you that you are not alone. Acknowledging what you have accomplished instead of focusing on what you didn’t get done will give you extra energy and add to your happiness.
For more shows on Learning How to Relax:
- Learn How to Manage Yourself, Not Your Time with Nan Russell, July 13, 2017
- Sacred Baths to Improve Your Physical and Spiritual Life With Dr. Paulette Kauffman Sherman, March 30, 2017
- Using Natural Cycles to Recharge Your Life with Dr. Pia Orleane, February 15, 2018
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Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through writing, coaching and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your personal journey.
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To hear more shows from Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, please click here.
