In a recent episode from my radio show, Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit, my guest, Julie Simon, and I offer insight into emotional eating and how to eliminate it. In addition to sharing some of that information in this blog, Marian Stephens talks about how she is using the information in the episode to change her life. More of Marian’s story and all my previous blogs are on my website, paulajoyce.com. Be sure to check them out.
Dr. Paula’s Tip of the Week
Habits are formed through repetition, usually over a long period of time. Breaking a habit, therefore, takes time and diligence and may even require forming a new habit. Keeping track of big and small changes will help you persevere.
And now for your tip for the week from my e-book, 33 Tips for Self-empowerment. I wrote this book because when you are self-empowered, you are connected to your limitless higher self, your soul, your intuition, your gut feelings, your guidance. My Tip for this week is in honor of our topic today: Monitor Your Progress: If you’re working on releasing your anger, for instance, ask yourself: Is the intensity of my anger diminished? Is the duration of my anger shorter? Is my recovery time faster? Is the amount of time between angry outbursts greater?
When you’re changing a behavior, it’s important to notice small changes over time. Give yourself credit for your progress . . .And celebrate your victories! Changing your eating habits and learning how to manage your emotions takes time, commitment and effort. It doesn’t happen all at once. We developed our habits over a long period of time and it is unrealistic to assume that we can change them quickly, or as some people believe in 21 days. In my experience, deep change happens over time, step by step, layer by layer. Some people compare it to peeling an onion. When you remove one layer, the next one looks the same, but it isn’t. Each layer gets you closer to the core of the onion, that is, closer to the root of the problem and closer to complete success. Unless we pay attention to our progress, it’s easy to get discouraged. Most of us focus on what we have not accomplished yet and what we consider to be our failures rather than focusing on what we have accomplished and truly acknowledge them as successes. It’s important to manage our expectations and realize that just like we can’t go from running a 10 minute mile to running a 6 minute mile in 21 days, we also can’t go from eating our feelings to not doing so in 21 days. Patience with ourselves is essential as is learning to love ourselves where we are and at each step along the healing path. When we get frustrated because we aren’t making progress as fast as we think we should, we just add stress, which slows down our progress. The more we can ease up on ourselves, the smoother our healing process will be.
Dr. Paula’s Silver Lining Story
The Universe supplies an infinite amount of love to support you while you are making difficult changes. When you are concentrating on change, connecting with your higher self will allow you to overcome the demands your ego places on your mind, body, and spirit, freeing you to focus your energy on making positive, lasting change.
Angie sent this email about a powerful revelation she had: “When I was lying in bed this morning, I was starting to feel a little guilty because I was taking time for self-care and getting the extra rest I need right now. Then I had a profound thought I’ve never heard before. The Universe told me to stop using my energy to “tread water” during this time of my life. Treading water takes a lot of energy. The Universe told me to float on my back, which requires a lot less energy and I would be supported by the water and be taken care of. This really resonated with me as I can literally float on my back for a really, really long time. And, yes, it is much, much easier than treading water, but it takes trust and faith that you’re not going to sink.” Angie is in the process of divorcing her husband of 20 years, and although it’s the right decision for her, she is obviously experiencing a lot of deep and painful emotions, memories, and stress. When dealing with so much chaos and change, people do need to take extra good care of themselves and they do need more rest than usual. But the task master in our head, wants us to keep working as if nothing unusual were happening. Angie was fortunate to receive such a powerful and wise message reminding her to be gentle with herself and rest more. There’s also a metaphor here. When you tread water, you are not moving; you’re stuck in one place. When you float, you let the current move you. You move easily with the forces of nature supporting you. Sometimes less work is better. When we work less, we make room for the Universe/God/Goddess to come in and help us. When we work with a team, each person has less work to do and the job still gets done. When we think of our guides and angels and the positive spiritual realm as our teammates, we can relax at times and let them do their part to help us get the job done. Angie’s silver lining is learning she has a team behind her. She is never alone.
Marian Stephens’ Story
Dr. Paula’s tip of the week is to monitor your progress. This is exactly the tip I needed to hear! This week, my family and I shared a meditation session where we focused on loving-kindness all together in our family room. I was so excited and proud, and I thought, “Why are things getting so much better?” Then it hit me that things are getting better because I’m working on healing. Dr. Paula is right when she tells us that it is not an overnight process. It takes time to heal and change, so monitoring your progress as you go is essential because the change can be gradual and subtle, but it absolutely happens if you are putting the effort into healing. I was talking with my friend (which is notable because I have been neglecting this friendship) when she asked if I still feel anxious when my kids are all home at the same time. Previously, I felt a lot of anxiety about my husband’s personal space and whether he had enough time to himself. I worried the kids were intruding, but there was nowhere else for them to go. I was surprised that she asked because now our home is peaceful most of the time. I was happy to respond, “No, not at all!”
I have not been feeling well lately, which is frustrating me. Fatigue is a disabling symptom of multiple sclerosis that I have not been able to overcome in the past few weeks. Oftentimes, I can push through it, but I have been falling asleep in the middle of the day or intentionally napping. The missing piece of my healing regiment is diet. So today’s show on emotional eating hit home. I eat comfort food when I am fatigued, which makes me frustrated with myself, and I become critical of my body and mind. Eating a Pop Tart ™ feels good in the moment and quiets the negativity running through my mind. This week I’m going to be mindful of how I talk to myself. I’m going to use my inner voice to flood myself with comforting, soothing, loving words. If I choose to fill myself with light and positivity, maybe I will have the energy to make a salad or maybe an unfrosted pop tart and a sandwich. No. A salad. Dr. Paula emphasizes learning to love ourselves where we are is essential, but difficult. Being gentler with myself will be energizing.
I love that the methods Julie Simon encourages listeners to use can also be used in parenting. As I’m healing myself, I can better help my children. I try to be an active listener when they are talking about things they’re struggling with. Now, I can also help them learn to soothe themselves. I often give them food as consolation for feeling pain – I do not even realize I’m doing it. I’m going to try to be very mindful of my inner voice, and this will help me be more mindful of the words I use when talking to my boys.
Dr. Paula’s Coaching Response
This is huge progress, Marian. I hope you know how much you are growing and how quickly. The change in your family is proof! Be sure to follow the tip of the week and celebrate the dramatic change in your family. First acknowledge yourself because you are the change agent, and then celebrate with your family. I suggest you honor your victory while also building your kind nurturing inner voice. Doing so will help you love yourself more and therefore eat in a healthier way that respects you and your body. Here’s a wonderful way to do this: while looking at your eyes in the mirror: give yourself a really big loving hug, pause to feel the love and say out loud affirmations like: I love you, I deserve to be treated with love and respect, I deserve to treat myself with love and respect, I am a good person, I’m proud of myself for getting healthier and helping my family get healthier. I really love you. When you can say these kinds of affirmations from a place of deep love within yourself, eating properly will be easy. As you change how you feel about yourself, everything will change.
As you learn to be kind to yourself, you will also be teaching your children, by example, how to be kind to themselves. You might also want to celebrate the change in the family over a healthy meal together. You could go around the table with each person saying some change that they are grateful for within the family or within themselves. This could even become a weekly family ritual. By making it a regular experience, you will be showing your children how to love themselves and feel good about all changes, small and big.
For more shows on healthy eating habits please listen to:
- Yoga to Heal Disordered Eating and Eating Disorders with Sarayjoy Marsh
- Stop Criticizing Yourself with Mark Coleman
- Create Success With Your Internal Guidance with Zen Cryar DeBrücke
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