Sometimes our soul’s intention to be free of our false self is so strong that it breaks through our consciousness and causes us to act in ways that we didn’t consciously plan. When it happens, we know it’s what we’ve always wanted. I wrote this piece in November 1999:
The Conveyor Belt
Moving, moving, moving I wasn’t sure if we were going forward, backward, side-to-side or standing in place. All I could feel was motion. I had no visual clues to help me, just the grinding sound of a conveyer belt. Certainly I should, by all rights, be standing or sitting next to this and watching to make sure that everything was moving safely and appropriately on to the next station. I wasn’t, though, I was smack dab in the middle of this thing, wondering how this could be. Those behind me seemed happy enough, just humming along, staying in their appointed place. I wasn’t, though. Seems as if I never could just keep still, I kept getting up to see where I was, where I was going, but the motion of that conveyer belt kept tossing me back in place. They were taking me somewhere and I just seemed to be a passenger, regardless of my attempts to get ahold of the reigns. Finally, with a huge effort, I pulled myself up to a standing position and discovered blood on my foot after noticing I was on the cutting edge. Will this absurdity never stop? Seeing John sitting on the assembly line smiling pushed me over the edge. I landed in his lap, and quickly switched places with him. I still remember the shocked frozen expression on his face as he moved forward in the system and I ran for freedom.
Take A Step Forward
Argentine Tango helped me get off that conveyor belt. I only now realize that I wrote The Conveyor Belt exactly one year before I began learning to dance Argentine Tango. The first time I saw Argentine Tango danced, I was totally captivated. I could not believe that 2 bodies could move so absolutely in sync with each other. It was as if they were one. I immediately knew I had to learn this dance. That night was the beginning of a new life for me. I didn’t know it then, but everything was about to change. Something had changed inside of me and I was embarking on a path that would lead to my reconnection with my soul and experiences that would help me heal and express long hidden parts of myself. Argentine Tango is a profoundly spiritual dance, a walking meditation, and as such it helped me grow in trust and connection to myself and the spiritual realm.
To take a step forward in Argentine Tango, or in life, you must let go of the last step, empty yourself and then walk into an unknown space with a confident well-placed step. If your life has been overtaken by fear as mine was, this can be a paralyzing move. One teacher said it’s easier for a woman to take a forward step than a backward step. Maybe for some, but not for me. Walking forward felt aggressive and masculine, I was comfortable moving backward. It felt safe.
Fears Loom Large
We never know what a person’s fears are because they’re irrational. As I was trying to work through my fears, I asked myself: why can’t I have the life I want? What are the fears that I must walk through to get there? Those questions led to my writing down 46 fears. Here’s a sampling of what I wrote to give you an idea of how exhausting and contradictory my thoughts were:
- Fear of failure…fear of success,
- Fear of doing it wrong…fear of doing it right,
- Fear of shining…fear of never shining,
- Fear of my power…fear of never using my power,
- Fear of risking…fear of not risking,
- Fear of limits…fear of no limits,
- Fear of living an inauthentic life…fear of living an authentic life,
- Fear of the unknown…fear of staying stuck,
- Fear of being heard…fear of not being heard,
- Fear of ridicule…fear of praise,
After exhausting myself, I concluded that I was on a crazy rollercoaster, living a life that was turning in on itself. Talk about being stuck! It’s amazing I ever got anything done, but the fears loom large when the soul wants to be heard. I had a fancy job and made good money but the emptiness I felt was too high a price to pay. The fears were abundant in all directions, whether I acted or didn’t act. So there was no real reason to stay small, closed and confined in a tiny box. I made a new choice and worked hard to let go of the old me and learned to feel safe taking a forward step.
The key is that the forward step in Argentine Tango doesn’t come from the foot. It starts with the intention of the heart and the foot is the end point. The heart directs the body to move and the foot follows the movement of the torso, hip and leg. Then you are in alignment, following the impulse of the heart-to-heart lead. To be able to do this you need to relax the body, feel the lead, let go of your fears and trust yourself, your partner and the unknown. A heart to heart connection is not about physical love, it’s about spiritual love. As I tore away the layers of fear, I got closer to my pure self and to the joy, love and lightness that is possible for all of us. Once I experience it on the dance floor, I can bring it into my life. Step-by-step, bit-by-bit, my life has become more magical and miraculous.
You may also be interested in these past episodes from Dr. Paula’s Uplift Your Life: Nourishment of the Spirit radio show:
Learning How to Face the Unknown with Estelle Frankel from August 10, 2017
Life Lessons Through Tango from July 7, 2016
Argentine Tango Heals You From the Inside Out with Christy Cote from August 21, 2014
Dr. Paula, The Life Doctor, has helped hundreds of thousands of people improve their health, wealth and relationships through her writing, coaching, and speaking. Contact her today to get started on your journey. Recently Dr. Paula Joyce, PhD was chosen by Expertise as one of the 16 Best Life Coaches in Dallas.
Blessings,
Dr. Paula Joyce, The Life Doctor
Personal, Business, and Spiritual Transformation Coach
Email- drpaula@drpaulajoyce.com
Office Phone- 972.788.2393
To learn more, please visit my website: www.drpaulajoyce.com
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